What are the most messed up arcade game storylines?

nesjess

Well-known member

Donor 2011
Joined
Feb 4, 2009
Messages
9,584
Reaction score
530
Location
Castro Valley, California
What are the most messed up arcade game storylines?

A friend of mine came over tonight and we beat Double Dragon. It got us thinking, whoever came up with the storyline had issues. Let's recap shall we?

Opening Scene: Girl gets punched in the gut and taken away. Wow.

Story: Two dudes (brothers?) have to go and save her by killing all the thugs in their path. Typical beat 'em up storyline.

Ending: After killing the boss, you have to fight to the death (and over a baseball bat) to see who gets the girl and "live happily forever." That's some heavy stuff.

And in DDII, they just forget about the whole kidnapping thing and she gets gunned down. She can't catch a break. And why couldn't they drive their hot rod or chopper (w/ missiles) in both games. I mean, you can see them in the garage. Were they being shopped?

But I digress, what other pretty jacked up storylines are there?

52170736.jpg
 
Last edited:
A friend of mine came over tonight and we beat Double Dragon. It got us thinking, whoever came up with the storyline had issues. Let's recap shall we?

Opening Scene: Girl gets punched in the gut and taken away. Wow.

Story: Two dudes (brothers?) have to go and save her by killing all the thugs in their path. Typical beat 'em up storyline.

Ending: After killing the boss, you have to fight to the death (and over a baseball bat) to see who gets the girl and "live happily forever." That's some heavy stuff.

And in DDII, they just forget about the whole kidnapping thing and she gets gunned down. She can't catch a break. And why couldn't they drive their hot rod or chopper (w/ missiles) in both games. I mean, you can see them in the garage. Were they being shopped?

But I digress, what other pretty jacked up storylines are there?

52170736.jpg

I recently picked up a PC10 and had a similar discussion about this game. Great minds right?
 
Twin Eagle: Revenge Joe's Brother

I mean, just look at that title. Can anything else be more messed up?
 

Attachments

  • revenge joes brother.jpg
    revenge joes brother.jpg
    46.3 KB · Views: 46
MJ

Michael Jackson's Moon Walker

Exerpt from KLOV:

During each round, as Michael fight off the enemies, he will find some of the children who are held captive. He must touch each of them in order to free them. Some children give Michael special items such as a Dance Magic or some extra life-energy. Michael has to rescue all children in each and every round.
 
Outfoxies

Actually, I think the splash screen for Bad Dudes says something like "Ninja-related crime is on the rise, and the White House is no exception!"

The most jacked-up one I can think of is Outfoxies...an assassination contest featuring a chimp, Siamese twin children, and a paraplegic who can block bullets with his wheelchair! Great game though.
 
Actually, I think the splash screen for Bad Dudes says something like "Ninja-related crime is on the rise, and the White House is no exception!"

The most jacked-up one I can think of is Outfoxies...an assassination contest featuring a chimp, Siamese twin children, and a paraplegic who can block bullets with his wheelchair! Great game though.

From Wikipedia:

The game starts in New York City, where President Ronnie (based on U.S. President Ronald Reagan) has been kidnapped by the nefarious DragonNinja. The game's intro begins with the following introduction: "Rampant ninja related crimes these days... Whitehouse is not the exception...". As soon as that occurs, a Secret Service agent (who resembles Arnold Schwarzenegger as he appears in The Terminator) asks two street-smart brawlers, named Blade and Striker: "President Ronnie has been kidnapped by the ninjas. Are you a bad enough dude to rescue Ronnie?".

Man, so cheesy.

I totally remember The Outfoxies. Man, you seriously can't make this stuff up.
 
Poison wasn't really a man, that was changed for the American release because they didn't want dudes beating up women.
 
I also enjoy how on the (very lousy) NES port of Bad Dudes, it gets edited down to "The President has been kidnapped by ninjas", and they switch out Ronnie with George H.W. Bush
 
Here's a screenshot of the attract mode, and the intro when you start a game.
attachment.php
attachment.php
 

Attachments

  • baddudes.png
    baddudes.png
    13.3 KB · Views: 89
  • badd0000.png
    badd0000.png
    5.9 KB · Views: 88
Pick almost any of the side scrollers in that time period. Most of them have some lame story line.

I seem to recall Splatterhouse has a pretty strange backstory as well.

ken
 
Back
Top Bottom