Alright, it is very important to perform these steps in the proper order, so listen closely. First you must obtain an 8-track tape of Journey, any one will work as long as it is still in playable condition. You must then go to the Natural Bridge and stand directly under it at 8:30 during a full moon. Don't blink for one full minute. If you are successful thus far, you should be approached by a one-eyed hobo with a unibrow carrying several umbrellas. Do not turn to look at his unibrow. He will say, "got the humanoid?" The proper response is "got the intruder." He will hand you an umbrella and you must follow him to the spot on the Bridge where George Washington carved his initials, where he will trace the "G" with his umbrella. You must trace the "W" with yours in perfect sync with him. If your timing is proper, you will hear a deep rumble and must journey to the top of the bridge, where a small slot will have opened in a crack in the rock. Insert the 8-track and a secret door will open on the side of one of the nearby rock formations in the mountain. Joe the One-Eyed Hobo will leave you so you're on your own for this next part. Walk through the cavern that has opened up, being wary of rabid bats or used condoms that were not properly disposed of, as stepping on either will deactivate the power in the cave that will help you when you reach the end and find the old British phonebooth illuminated via moonlight from a hole in the cave ceiling. You will notice that there are no buttons or dials for inputting a number, but that's normal... it is designed to call one number and one number only. Open the door, count to twenty, then remove the phone from the hook. It will activate the Shcrock Signal and summon Ted Shcrock, who will promptly hop in the ShcrockMobile and travel from Arizona to meet you at the entrance of the cave.
If that's too complex for you, consider this a free bump for someone who may know a simpler method.